Well, / apparently / this is the way my work went as well, / because, / when you ask people about love, / they tell you about heartbreak. // When you ask people about belonging, / they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. // And when you ask people about connection, / the stories they told me were about disconnection. // So / very quickly / -- really about six weeks into this research / -- I ran into this unnamed thing / that absolutely unraveled connection / in a way that I didn't understand / or had never seen. // And so / I pulled back out of the research and thought, / I need to figure out what this is. // And it turned out to be shame. // And shame / is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: // Is there something about me that, / if other people know it or see it, / that I won't be worthy of connection? // The things I can tell you about it: // It's universal; // We all have it. // The only people who don't experience shame / have no capacity for human empathy / or connection. // No one wants to talk about it, / and the less you talk about it, / the more you have it. // What underpinned this shame, / this "I'm not good enough," / -- which, / we all know that feeling: // "I'm not blank enough. / I'm not thin enough, / rich enough, / beautiful enough, / smart enough, / promoted enough." // The thing that underpinned this / was excruciating vulnerability. // This idea of, / in order for connection to happen, / we have to allow ourselves to be seen, / really seen. //