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So how do we listen? // Well it turns out / that we often take listening for granted / as something easy and natural. // But in fact, / at least in my experience, / real listening, / genuine listening / is something that needs to be learned / and practiced every day. // In ordinary listening, / we’re hearing the words. // And we’re often thinking, / “Where do I agree? // Where do I disagree? // What am I going to say in response?” // In other words, / the focus is on us. // In genuine listening, / however, / the spotlight / moves / to the other person. // We put ourselves in their shoes. // We tune into their wavelength. // We listen from within their frame of reference, / not just ours. // And that’s not easy. // In genuine listening, / we listen not just for what’s being said, / but for what’s not being said. // We listen not just to the words, / but to what’s behind the words. // We listen for the underlying emotions, / and feelings, / the underlying needs, / what that person / really needs or wants. // Let me give you an example. // About a year and a half ago, / I was invited to ask / a Brazilian entrepreneur by the name of Abilio Diniz, / to help him / because he was trapped / in a titanic legal dispute / with his French business partner / over the control of / Brazil’s largest retailer. // The Financial Times called it / perhaps / the biggest cross-continental / boardroom showdown / in recent history. // It had gone on for two and a half years, / and it was immensely costly / and stressful, / not only to both parties but to their families / and the 150,000 employees of the company. // So when I sat down with Abilio in his home, / I listened to his story. // And after that, / I had a question. // I said: “Abilio, / help me understand here. // What do you really want?” // And he said: / “Well, / I want the stock at a certain price. // I want / [you know] the company headquarters. // I want the elimination of the non-compete clause.” // And he gave me a list. // But I, / as I listened, / heard something deeper there that was unspoken. // So I asked him: / “Abilio, / you’re a man who seems to have everything. // What are these things really going to give you? // What do you most want in your life?” // He paused for a moment / and thought about it. // And finally, / he said: / “Freedom. // I want my freedom. // I want to be free to pursue / my business dreams. // And I want to be free / to spend time with my family.” // That was it. // I was hearing the human being / behind the words, / not just the champion businessman. // So once we were clear / about his deepest need, / then the negotiation itself, / while challenging, / became a lot easier. // And in four short days, / my colleagues and I, / by listening to the other side, / were able to take this titanic dispute / and resolve it with a settlement / that left both sides highly satisfied. // As Abilio being a friend in the process / later told me, / “I got everything I wanted. // But most importantly, / I got my life back.” // How did that happen? // Through the simple power of listening. //