Let's read...

So how do we listen? Well it turns out that we often take listening for granted as something easy and natural. But in fact, at least in my experience, real listening, genuine listening is something that needs to be learned and practiced every day. In ordinary listening, we’re hearing the words. And we’re often thinking, “Where do I agree? Where do I disagree? What am I going to say in response?” In other words, the focus is on us. In genuine listening, however, the spotlight moves to the other person. We put ourselves in their shoes. We tune into their wavelength. We listen from within their frame of reference, not just ours. And that’s not easy. In genuine listening, we listen not just for what’s being said, but for what’s not being said. We listen not just to the words, but to what’s behind the words. We listen for the underlying emotions, and feelings, the underlying needs, what that person really needs or wants. Let me give you an example. About a year and a half ago, I was invited to ask a Brazilian entrepreneur by the name of Abilio Diniz, to help him because he was trapped in a titanic legal dispute with his French business partner over the control of Brazil’s largest retailer. The Financial Times called it perhaps the biggest cross-continental boardroom showdown in recent history. It had gone on for two and a half years, and it was immensely costly and stressful, not only to both parties but to their families and the 150,000 employees of the company.

Let's follow William...

So how do we listen? // Well it turns out / that we often take listening for granted / as something easy and natural. // But in fact, / at least in my experience, / real listening, / genuine listening / is something that needs to be learned / and practiced every day. // In ordinary listening, / we’re hearing the words. // And we’re often thinking, / “Where do I agree? // Where do I disagree? // What am I going to say in response?” // In other words, / the focus is on us. // In genuine listening, / however, / the spotlight / moves / to the other person. // We put ourselves in their shoes. // We tune into their wavelength. // We listen from within their frame of reference, / not just ours. // And that’s not easy. // In genuine listening, / we listen not just for what’s being said, / but for what’s not being said. // We listen not just to the words, / but to what’s behind the words. // We listen for the underlying emotions, / and feelings, / the underlying needs, / what that person / really needs or wants. // Let me give you an example. // About a year and a half ago, / I was invited to ask / a Brazilian entrepreneur by the name of Abilio Diniz, / to help him / because he was trapped / in a titanic legal dispute / with his French business partner / over the control of / Brazil’s largest retailer. // The Financial Times called it / perhaps / the biggest cross-continental / boardroom showdown / in recent history. // It had gone on for two and a half years, / and it was immensely costly / and stressful, / not only to both parties but to their families / and the 150,000 employees of the company. //

Let's read...

So when I sat down with Abilio in his home, I listened to his story. And after that, I had a question. I said: “Abilio, help me understand here. What do you really want?” And he said: “Well, I want the stock at a certain price. I want [you know] the company headquarters. I want the elimination of the non-compete clause.” And he gave me a list. But I, as I listened, heard something deeper there that was unspoken. So I asked him: “Abilio, you’re a man who seems to have everything. What are these things really going to give you? What do you most want in your life?” He paused for a moment and thought about it. And finally, he said: “Freedom. I want my freedom. I want to be free to pursue my business dreams. And I want to be free to spend time with my family.” That was it. I was hearing the human being behind the words, not just the champion businessman. So once we were clear about his deepest need, then the negotiation itself, while challenging, became a lot easier. And in four short days, my colleagues and I, by listening to the other side, were able to take this titanic dispute and resolve it with a settlement that left both sides highly satisfied. As Abilio being a friend in the process later told me, “I got everything I wanted. But most importantly, I got my life back.” How did that happen? Through the simple power of listening.

Let's follow William...

So when I sat down with Abilio in his home, / I listened to his story. // And after that, / I had a question. // I said: “Abilio, / help me understand here. // What do you really want?” // And he said: / “Well, / I want the stock at a certain price. // I want / [you know] the company headquarters. // I want the elimination of the non-compete clause.” // And he gave me a list. // But I, / as I listened, / heard something deeper there that was unspoken. // So I asked him: / “Abilio, / you’re a man who seems to have everything. // What are these things really going to give you? // What do you most want in your life?” // He paused for a moment / and thought about it. // And finally, / he said: / “Freedom. // I want my freedom. // I want to be free to pursue / my business dreams. // And I want to be free / to spend time with my family.” // That was it. // I was hearing the human being / behind the words, / not just the champion businessman. // So once we were clear / about his deepest need, / then the negotiation itself, / while challenging, / became a lot easier. // And in four short days, / my colleagues and I, / by listening to the other side, / were able to take this titanic dispute / and resolve it with a settlement / that left both sides highly satisfied. // As Abilio being a friend in the process / later told me, / “I got everything I wanted. // But most importantly, / I got my life back.” // How did that happen? // Through the simple power of listening. //