So I'd like to spend the next 10 minutes or so / teaching you how to talk / and how / to listen. // Many of you have already heard a lot of advice on this, / things like / look the person in the eye, / think of interesting thing - topics to discuss in advance, / look, / nod and smile to show that you're paying attention, / repeat back what you just heard or summarize it. // So I want you to forget / all of that. // It is crap. // There is no reason / to learn how to show you're paying attention / if you are in fact / paying attention. // Now, I... / I actually use the exact same skills as a professional interviewer that I do in regular life. // So, / I'm gonna teach you how to interview people, and that's actually gonna help you learn how to be / better conversationalists. // Learn to have a conversation / without wasting your time, / without getting bored, / and, please God, / without offending anybody. // We've all had really great conversations. // We've had them before we know what it's like. // The kind of conversation where you walk away feeling engaged / and inspired, / or where you feel like you've made a real connection / or you've been perfectly understood. // There is no reason / why most of your interactions / can't be like that. // So I have 10 basic rules. // I'm gonna walk you through all of them, / but honestly, / if you just choose one of them / and master it, / you'll already enjoy better conversations. // Number one: / Don't multitask. / And I don't mean just set down your cell phone / or your tablet / or your car keys / or whatever is in your hand. // I mean, / be present. // Be in that moment. // Don't be thinking about your / argument you had with your boss. // Don't be thinking about what you're going to have for dinner. // If you want to get out of the conversation, / get out of the conversation, / but don't be half in it / and half out of it. // Number two: / Don't pontificate. // If you / wanna state your opinion / without / any opportunity for response / or argument / or pushback / or growth, / write a blog. // Now, / there's a really good reason why I don't allow pundits on my show: / Because they're really boring. // If they're conservative, / they're going to hate Obama and food stamps and abortion. // If they're liberal, / they're going to hate big banks and oil corporations and Dick Cheney. // Totally predictable. // And you don't wanna be like that. // You need to enter every conversation / assuming that you have something to learn. // The famed therapist, / M. Scott Peck, said that true listening requires a setting aside of oneself. // And sometimes that... / that means / setting aside your personal opinion. // He said / that sensing this acceptance, / the speaker will become / less and less vulnerable / and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind / to the listener. // Again, / assume that you have something to learn. // Bill Nye: / "Everyone you will ever meet / knows something that you don't." // I put it this way: / Everybody / is an expert / in something. // Number three: / Use open-ended questions. / In this case, / take... take a cue from journalists. // Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how. // If you put in a complicated question, you're going to get a simple answer out. // If I ask you, / "Were you terrified?" / you're going to respond to the most powerful word in that sentence, / which is "terrified," / and the answer is / "Yes, I was" or "No, I wasn't." // "Were you angry?" // "Yes, I was very angry." // Let them describe it. // They're the ones that know. // Try asking them things like, / "What was that like?" // "How did that feel?" // Because then / they might have to stop for a moment / and think about it, / and you're gonna get a much more interesting response. // Number four: / Go with the flow. // That means / thoughts will come into your mind / and you need to / let them go out of your mind. // We've heard / interviews / often / in which a guest is talking for several minutes and then the host comes back in and asks a question which seems like it comes out of nowhere, / or it's already been answered. // That means the host probably stopped listening two minutes ago because / he thought of this really clever question, / and he was just / bound and determined to say that. // And we do the exact same thing. // We're sitting there having a conversation with something / - someone, / and then we remember that / time that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop. // And we stop listening. // We're just waiting for a moment to interject our story about Hugh Jackman and coffee. // Stories and ideas are going to come to you. // You need to let them come / and let them go. //