Let's read...

Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. And the way I ended up on this path was from a very tragic event. I was uhm... maybe 19, and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident. And I passed the accident, and I didn't know it was her and I kept going. And I found out shortly after that it was her. And I was living in a basement apartment. I had no money. I had no heat, no air. I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with fleas. And I was soul searching. I was like, why is she suddenly gone and there are fleas here? I don't understand. There must be a purpose. And wouldn't it be so convenient if we could just pick up the phone and call God and ask these questions? And I started writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God, which was one-sided. And I finished writing it and I looked at it and I said to myself, and I hadn't even been doing stand up ever. There was no club in town. I said, I'm going to do this on "The Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson. At the time he was the king. And I'm going to be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down. And several years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show and only woman in the history of the show to sit down because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote. And I started this path of stand up and it was successful and it was great, but it was hard because I was trying to please everybody and I had this secret that I was keeping that I was gay and I thought if people found out they wouldn't like me, they wouldn't laugh at me. Then my career turned into, I got my own sitcom and that was very successful. Another level of success and I thought, what if they find out I'm gay, then they'll never watch and this was a long time ago. You probably, this was when we just had white presidents. But anyway, this was back many years ago.

Let's follow Ellen DeGeneres...

Anyway, / I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. // And / the way I ended up on this path / was from a very tragic event. / I was uhm... / maybe 19, / and my girlfriend at the time / was killed in a car accident. // And I passed the accident, / and I didn't know it was her / and I kept going. // And I found out / shortly after that it was her. // And / I was living in a basement apartment. // I had no money. // I had no heat, / no air. // I had a mattress on the floor / and the apartment was infested with fleas. // And I was soul searching. // I was like, / why// is she suddenly gone / and there are fleas here? // I don't understand. // There must be a purpose. // And wouldn't it be so convenient if we could just pick up the phone and call God / and ask these questions? // And I started writing / and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God, / which was one-sided. // And I finished writing it // and I looked at it and I said / to myself, / and I hadn't even been doing stand up ever. // There was no club in town. // I said, / I'm going to do this on / "The Tonight Show" // with Johnny Carson. // At the time he was the king. // And I'm going to be the first woman / in the history of the show / to be called over to sit down. // And several years later, / I was the first woman in the history of the show / and only woman in the history of the show / to sit down because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote. // And I started this path of stand up / and it was successful and it was great, / but it was hard because I was trying to please everybody / and I had this secret that I was keeping that I was gay / and I thought if people found out / they wouldn't like me, / they wouldn't laugh at me. // Then my career turned into, / I got my own sitcom / and that was very successful. // Another level of success and I thought, / what if they find out I'm gay, / then they'll never watch / and this was a long time ago. // You probably, / this was when we just had white presidents. // But anyway, / this was back / many years ago.

Let's read...

And I finally decided that I was living with so much shame and so much fear that I just couldn't live that way anymore. And I decided to come out and make it creative and my character would come out at the same time and it wasn't to make a political statement. It wasn't to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around and I just wanted to be honest. And I thought, what's the worst that can happen? I can lose my career. I did. I lost my career. I got, the show was cancelled after 6 years without even telling me. I read it in the paper. The phone didn't ring for 3 years. I had no offers. Nobody wanted to touch me at all. And yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide, but didn't because of what I did. And I realized that I had a purpose. And it wasn't just about me and it wasn't about celebrity but I felt like I was being punished and it was a bad time. I was angry. I was sad. And then I was offered a talk show. And the people that offered me the talk show tried to sell it and most stations didn't want to pick it up. Most people didn't want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me. And really when I look back on it, I wouldn't change a thing. I mean it was so important for me to lose everything because I found out what... what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself. And ultimately, that's... that's what's gotten me to this place. I don't live in fear. I'm free. I have no secrets. And I know I'll always be okay because no matter what, I know who I am.

Let's follow Ellen DeGeneres...

And / I finally / decided that I was living with so much shame / and so much fear / that I just couldn't live that way anymore. // And I decided to come out and make it creative / and my character would come out at the same time / and it wasn't to make a political statement. // It wasn't to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around / and I just wanted to be honest. // And I thought, / what's the worst that can happen? // I can lose my career. // I did. // I lost my career. // I got, / the show was cancelled / after 6 years without even telling me. // I read it in the paper. // The phone didn't ring for 3 years. // I had / no offers. // Nobody wanted to touch me / at all. // And yet, I was getting letters from / kids that almost committed suicide, / but didn't because of what I did. // And I realized that I had / a purpose. // And it wasn't just about me and it wasn't about celebrity but / I felt like I was being punished / and it was a bad time. // I was angry. // I was sad. And then I was offered a talk show. // And the people that offered me the talk show tried to sell it and / most stations didn't want to pick it up. // Most people didn't want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me. // And really when I look back on it, / I wouldn't change a thing. // I mean it was so important for me to lose everything / because I found out / what... what the most important thing is, / is to be true to yourself. // And ultimately, / that's... that's what's gotten me to this place. // I don't / live in fear. // I'm free. // I have no secrets. // And I know I'll always be okay / because no matter what, // I know who I am.