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Across human history, there's always been a tribal size, I think to friendship groups, which is somewhere in the teens, say between 12 and 15 perhaps is a reasonable number to think about. And then there are close friends. Some people of course have no close friends, but most people have at least a close friend. And most people would say that the ideal number of close friends to have is somewhere around the three or four number. Friendship was something that the ancient philosophers used to take very seriously. If you go back to Aristotle, for example, in some ways seen as the ideal relationship, and one of the reasons why friendship is, I think so important and so idealized is 'cause it's a relationship of genuine and radical equality, and one in which you're not in the friendship in order to get something out of it for yourself. There's no sense of dependency. There's no sense of exchange. It's not a transactional relationship in any way. And in most other occasions, relationships do contain some kind of transaction, some kind of "what's in this for me?" But the definition of a friendship is a relationship where there is nothing in it for you other than the relationship.

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Across / human history, / there's always been / a tribal size, / I think / to friendship groups, / which is / somewhere in the teens, / say / between 12 and 15 / perhaps / is a reasonable number / to think about. / And then there are close friends. // Some people of course / have no close friends / , but most people have / at least a / close friend. / And most people would say that the ideal number of close friends to have / is somewhere around / the three or four number. // Friendship was something that / the ancient philosophers / used to take very seriously. / If you go back to Aristotle, / for example, / in some ways / seen as the ideal relationship /, and one of the reasons why friendship is, / I think / so important / and so idealized / is 'cause it's a relationship of / genuine and radical equality, / and one in which / you're not in the friendship / in order to get something out of it / for yourself. / There's no sense of dependency. / There's no sense of exchange. / It's not a transactional relationship / in any way. / And in most other occasions, / relationships / do contain some kind of / transaction, some kind of "what's in this for me?" / But the definition of a friendship / is a relationship where there is nothing in it for you / other than the relationship. //

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We've seen a decline in lots of traditional institutions including the family, people marrying later if they do marry, obviously, in areas like religion, in some cases the the labor market. And so, what that means is there's more of a need for people to have social relationships, connections outside of those institutions. That's where friends are hugely important. But during the same period, we've seen a real decline in the number of people who say that they have a number of close friends. There are a number of factors that could be getting in the way of forming friendships, particularly in 21st-century U.S. Number one is geographical mobility. People moving away from their homes, moving to big cities or career opportunities which necessarily stretches their friendship network. Parents are spending quite a bit more time on parenting, on looking after their kids, which squeezes out the time that they might have had for friendships before. There's also a lot of emphasis on work and careers, what some scholars call 'workism,' which is a sense that your identity is so what wrapped up in your work that you don't have as much energy and time left over for friends. And then lastly, I'd point to the breakdown of relationships as marriages break up or couples separate that can be really fracturing of friendship groups that have been formed as a couple. Once they break up the friendship groups very often get shattered as well.

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We've seen a decline in lots of traditional institutions / including the family, / people marrying later / if they do marry, / obviously, / in areas like religion /, in some cases the / the labor market. / And so, / what that means / is there's more of a need for people / to have social relationships, / connections outside of those institutions. / That's where friends / are hugely important. / But during the same period, / we've seen a real decline / in the number of people / who say that they have a number of close friends. // There are a number of factors / that could be getting in the way of forming friendships, / particularly in 21st-century / U.S./ Number one is / geographical mobility. / People moving away / from their homes, / moving to / big cities / or career opportunities / which necessarily stretches their friendship network. // Parents are spending / quite a bit more time / on parenting, / on looking after their kids, / which squeezes out / the time / that they might have had / for friendships before.// There's also / a lot of emphasis on work / and careers, / what / some scholars call 'workism,' / which is a / sense that your identity / is so what wrapped up in your work / that you don't have as much energy / and time / left over for friends. And then lastly, / I'd point / to the breakdown of relationships / as marriages break up / or couples separate / that can be really fracturing of friendship groups that have been formed as a couple. / Once they break up / the friendship groups / very often get shattered as well. //